Hear my story

We all know that if you want to change hearts and minds, you need to share stories. Facts, I’m afraid, don’t cut it. It’s when you hear and see what has happened to a person that you feel they are human like you. Their story connects with your experience. You see the world – just for a moment – through their eyes. You want things to change, and maybe you take action – even in a small way – to make that change come about. Without the story, it’s difficult to identify with people who are very different from you.

But who gets to tell their stories? And which voices are never heard?

My work focuses on people who face profound and multiple barriers to becoming part of society. They may not use speech or sign language, but they communicate in many of the same ways we do – through their bodies, through sound making, through using their eyes, their hands, their sensory responses. But how can they possibly tell a story? Surely you need words – you need to be able to talk or write or sign?

No.

You don’t.

Have a look at this short film.

Being a film of someone with complex needs, it's so important to explain to the audience the tiny aspects of what is going on that show us the significance of his storytelling.

This little boy doesn’t use words. But watch how he tells his story with his teacher. This was his first ever attempt to remember a story together, and it starts with the most important part, the splash! She does the talking, but he does the important bits to show how he joins in to “say” splash!, and to decide when he wants more and when he wants to finish.

Just like any other kid, he can be mischievous and playful. The next time they told the story, his teacher included the information about how he splashed her all over. And they tell it again and again, each time with him taking a more and more active role.

This is where advocacy starts. By remembering and sharing what is important to us, every day of our lives and sharing that with other people. As we tell the stories, our memories develop and change and become part of us.

The film is an example of the practice of Storysharing®.

It’s an approach which is not like any other therapy or training.

Why?

• Because we don’t start with big life stories.
• We don’t start with likes and dislikes.
• We don’t ask people to learn how to put a story together with who, what, where, when, why questions.
• We don’t start with a film or a book.
• We start with the kind of storytelling that the rest of us all do, all the time, every day.
• We work with tiny stories that we share because of how the experience made us feel.
• These stories are often told with others, and the best ones are told over and over again.

So we co-tell these stories and we look for all the possible ways that a person can join in.

And we tell face to face – whether that’s in person or online.

I started using this approach 20 years ago, when I was working as a speech and language therapist in a day service and I noticed how often staff told each other the tiny stories of what the members had done. What made everyone laugh, or cry, or feel fed up, or moved, or excited or even anxious.

But they never ever told those stories to or with the members themselves.

What happens if you never get to tell your story?

Well, we know, don’t we?

You shut up. Nobody’s interested. Nobody cares. You become an onlooker in your own life.

Or sometimes you hear your story told by other people on your behalf. It’s kind of ok, but…

You hear other people talking about you, but in the words of one colleague of mine who is a neurodiverse artist and storyteller, it’s like being a suit in M&S on a clothes hanger, sitting in the room.

Another inspirational person with learning disabilities, Brian Marshall from Openstorytellers, said: “They end up sitting, staring at walls. And that’s not right!”

Here is Brian demonstrating for the rights of everyone with a learning disability at a march in London.

If we want advocacy for all, if we want to fight for a really inclusive society, we need to start with the people whose voices are never heard. And for us that means people who face what seem to be insurmountable challenges to communication.

People like Gary and Michael.

Storysharing partners: Co-telling advocacy

Gary and Michael from OneTrust took part in an online programme with two young people from the charity Generate. Together, we developed ways of becoming advocacy partners, as equals, finding out how to share and tell our stories.

You can read about the project in the summer 2022 edition of Community Living.

In this short film clip you can see how they shared a story at an online conference about living through Covid. It was the first time we had all been together face to face!

Rio tells the story. Michael and his partner show masks.

But it’s Gary, who by the simple gesture of putting his face in his hands, shows us how it felt.

Actually I say it’s a simple gesture. It isn’t.

Because of Gary’s physical challenges, it takes him a long time to get his hands up to his face. And we wait. We don’t interrupt him. We give him the space.

Note how he starts the gesture then stops as he realises the timing isn’t quite right. Then he repeats it to coincide with his partner’s verbal narrative.

Gary had made this gesture right at our first meeting, 3 months beforehand. It was so powerful that when we were preparing the story I asked him if he remembered doing it and if he could do it again. And he did.

Together, these three self advocates co-produce the story. Everyone’s contribution is significant.

Everyone can tell a story

Everyone’s story should be heard

Start with the little things

Big oaks grow from tiny acorns.