Neighbours: How small acts can make a big difference to individuals and communities

Anonymous guest blog: How small acts can make a big difference to neighbours, individuals and communities

Winston and Marva live opposite me in one of the Victorian spec. built terraced houses that you see in many inner London boroughs. We are fortunate: our front gardens are large enough to be converted into car-standing areas, and I’d frequently see Winston proudly polishing his car as I struggled with the weeds in my garden.

Occasionally, I’d cross the road to chat with him, and sometimes, Marva would come out and tend lovingly to the few bits of greenery that remained at the front of their home. They were friendly but rather reserved. They told me they’d love to come over for a coffee or a drink sometime but never responded positively to suggested dates. I wasn’t too worried about them becoming isolated, though, as they had married children who lived nearby whom they visited regularly.

Then, I noticed changes. Marva no longer seemed to care about her precious plants. Sometimes, she would sit for long periods in the front seat of the car; sometimes, Winson might join her.

One day, Winston told me they planned to visit his relations in the USA. His children would visit the house regularly, but would I keep an eye on the house while they were away? I was puzzled when they didn’t seem to have left when they said they would. It was getting near to Christmas, so I wrote them a Christmas card and took it over the road.

I didn’t post the card through their letterbox. Instead, I pressed the bell. Marva came to the door but became distressed because she didn’t seem to know how to open it. A few moments later, Winston came downstairs, asked Marva to go and sit down, and opened the door to me. After I’d explained my mission, he told me very quietly what I’d suspected: Marva had had dementia for some time. She’d been very unwell on the day they were due to travel, so they didn’t leave home and lost a great deal of money as a result.

Winston invited me in and insisted that we all three shared a glass of wine together. We chatted like old friends, and although Marva took little part, she seemed quite happy and relaxed. Both Marva and the house were clean and tidy, and Winston was obviously still managing the situation well with family help.

A few days later I took them a small Christmas present, was invited in, and stayed to chat for a while. Not long after, I was surprised and delighted when Winston turned up on my doorstep with a flask of his take on very hot and spicey West Indian soup and offers of help if I ever needed it.

It’s taken nearly 15 years to earn Winston’s trust, but I’m delighted that at last we’ve become real neighbours not simply people who live near to each other.

Small acts can make a big difference to individuals and communities. Supporting someone with dementia is no exception. Caring for a partner who develops dementia is not easy, and some may feel the need to hide their struggles. But dementia is nothing to be ashamed of or feared—it’s part of life for many families.

Do you know someone who might be showing early signs of dementia? Start today by taking small steps to build trust and strengthen your connection. A friendly chat, a helping hand, or a simple act of kindness can pave the way for meaningful support when it’s needed most. Let’s create a community where no one faces dementia alone.